My name is Molly Sanchez and I am a basic bitch. Fall is a sacred time for my people. A time when our favorite flavor, pumpkin can reign supreme before December comes and it's overturned by it's lesser flavor cousin: peppermint .
And as a basic bitch, I feel qualified to write this guide to the best pumpkiny things to do in the Bay Area this fall. To all my basic sisters (and brothers) out there, grab a chunky sweater and get ready to take this fall to infinity scarf and beyond!
Petaluma Creamery
Petaluma Creamery's pumpkin patch has an emphasis on sustainable farming, but more importantly it has cheese you can munch while you pick a pumpkin. I don’t know about you, but I’ll go anywhere that lets me meander around and eat cheese. The creamery also makes fresh pumpkin ice cream and feature live music on the weekend.
Nicasio Valley Farms
Nicasio Valley Farms has all the stuff basic bitches dig in fall (hayrides, pumpkins, petting zoo) and something they love all year round: a mechanical bull! Consider this good practice for your friend’s next bachelorette party.
The Half Moon Bay Pumpkin Festival
Bitches, maybe just skip other trifling patches and go for the mother lode: a freaking pumpkin festival! The Half Moon Bay Pumpkin Festival is our basic fantasies on steroids. There’ll be a pumpkin carving contest, giant pumpkins, pumpkin beer, and a pumpkin pie-eating contest. I just, can’t even.
Ocean Beach Music and Arts Festival
The Ocean Beach Music and Arts Festival features six stages and tons of local bands. It will also include food trucks, an art exhibit, and most importantly a pumpkin patch. Also it has two beer gardens, which are the only gardens of use to anyone.
Boo at the SF Zoo
File "what does it look like when a 580-pound elephant stomps a one pound pumpkin" next to "what came first the color orange or the fruit orange" under "Things I really want to know." The answer to at least one of those questions can be found at the SF Zoo's Boo at the Zoo event on October 25th and 26th. The event includes cool crafts, a haunted zoo walk, and a creepy insects exhibit (as if there was an insect exhibit that wasn't creepy!). But the best event is the Pumpkin Stomp and Chomp where large animals will interact with pumpkins in their enclosure.
And since CBS really rudely punked us about the existence of pumpkin 4 Loko, here are some other things you can sip to get you pumped for pumpkin:
Pumpkin Beer
These can be found at your local supermarket. Pretty much every major beer brand has them and there are some great craft options as well. Some local brewers like 21st Amendment are also getting in on the action.
Pumpkin Vodka
Try this pumpkin pie flavor. It tastes like Marie Callendar’s slutty cousin! Or use it to make pumpkintinis if you're classy like that.
Pumpkin Spice moonshine
How do you think basic bitches got down during Prohibition? Pumpkin Pie Moonshine. That 42% ABV keeps you warm in ways a flannel button down never could.
Save room for a pumpkin It's It for dessert!
Photos courtesy of Flickr user, Vallkyrieh116