By Peter Lawrence Kane
Powdered alcohol, a disgusting yet ingenious invention, received and then quickly lost federal approval this week. “Palcohol,” a formulation of 1-oz. packets that you mix with five ounces of liquid to get a cocktail, was looking like it might be available in time for the Treasure Island Music Festival, but now even that’s in doubt. There’s a discrepancy about how much powder can go into it, apparently. Oh, bureaucracy. For the sake of argument, let’s assume that the U.S. government – which legalized absinthe only a few years ago and appears to be softening its stance on marijuana – eventually listens to the red devil on its left shoulder and gives Palcohol the go-ahead. It’s going to be a big deal.
Since pure, pulverized ethyl alcohol would be boring, Palcohol mixes it with sucrose and some other flavorings to yield instant cocktails like Cosmos, Mojitos, “Powderitas” and Lemon Drops, but they also make plain vodka and plain rum packets, the better to go absolutely bananas and throw away all pretense of restraint. (Admittedly, muddling is a pain in the ass sometimes.) Palcohol also offers some food suggestions, such as “adding Powderita powder to guacamole [and] Cosmopolitan powder on a salad.” It’s the 21st-century equivalent of those glossy, nightmarish recipes for World War Two-era kitchens – and the technology has actually existed for 40 years. Better inebriation through chemistry!
Surprisingly, California is ready, even if the feds aren’t. State law already regulates powdered alcohols, stipulating that the label clearly spell out the contents’ equivalent in “wine gallons.” But even with this generous boost from an unlikely ally, Palcohol tripped right out of the starting gate. As many companies that gain attention by selling controversy do, their site had a bunch of not-especially-mature-sounding remarks about the possibility of snorting it (since deleted, naturally). Chagrined that that version of the site accidentally leaked, Palcohol now claims they add “volume” to the powder so that particular stunt isn’t especially worth your while. Of course, people are going to do it anyway, and it’s probably more like candy crushing than doing actual lines of coke. If you were the type of kid to mix Pop Rocks with Mountain Dew just to experience the resulting high-fructose mushroom cloud, enjoy Palcohol at your peril.
You can make fun of Palcohol all you want, but the usefulness of featherweight and largely undetectable booze is pretty seductive – at least until an underage kid mixes five packets with just enough water to dissolve it, ends up in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, and San Francisco bans it. If it gets approved, it’s probably going to be everywhere, including Bay to Breakers and on Mt. Tam, and at public venues where you could currently easily sneak beer in (like 4/20 at Golden Gate Park), but which involves a lot of schlepping. Plus, warm weather means hot Tecate, which is unfortunate. So Palcohol is going to be a fine weapon in the festival intoxication arsenal – eventually, maybe.
But cosmo salad, though. That’s just nasty.