Things that were uniquely San Francisco in this episode: Taking BART, taking BART while high, being called out on one's mediocrity, chasing pills with Kombucha (to be healthy), watching a Golden Girls marathon on a Friday night, pop-up restaurants, breaking up on the street, loving your friends despite their many, many flaws.
This week on Doris Deserves a Spinoff:
This episode is supposed to be happening the day after the last episode, so Agustin should ostensibly be getting ready to move out (because Frank is over this whole relationship thing). Instead he's still chilling in the house contemplating taking some pills he just has lying around. I'm going to go ahead and assume those aren't Advil he's planning to swallow because being Agustin is such a huge headache.
When Frank does come home, Agustin tries to make some half-hearted plea about how he's always been a bad person but still deserves to be in a relationship with Frank. Frank, of course, has heard this all before. And he's pissed. Not because he doesn't love Agustin, but because what Agustin did to him was so shitty. Not only was he dishonest with Frank, but he wasn't even pulling his weight in their relationship. Instead he was wasting money on some bullshit art project which was, as Frank points out, mediocre. I know that Frank was speaking from a place of pain, but he's also right. If Agustin wants to be an artist then he needs to be one; but if he's just going to pull this bullshit he needs to put down his bracelets and deconstructed denim jackets and find himself a career. I hear Michaels is hiring. (No, I know this because I got an email.) (Michaels is art adjacent, Agustin!)
Dom's piri piri chicken pop-up opening goes well, despite him being a frantic mess. Luckily, Doris seems to be running the show. The most notable thing that happens at this opening is that Lynn shows up to the party with Dom Jr. (Did anyone else notice this? Lynn's date is basically Dom 20 years younger.) The subtext here seems to be that Dom is so old he can't even get daddies anymore. Time to take this whole restaurant thing seriously, friend, because time is marching on. Or you know, make out with Lynn. That's cool, too. This is the only happy ending you're getting this season, guys. Let's revel in it for a second before we move onto the Patrick follies of 2014.
Ok, enough, let's do this. I said in my first recap that Patrick and I were going to have a rough time this season. That's because he is outwardly charming and likable but is also kind of a giant dick who can't get his shit together. Every time I bring this up to people the response is always 'he's flawed!' but it's not like he's Hamlet; he's cloyingly naive at best and appallingly disingenuous at worst. Let's take what happened this episode as an example.
First, Patrick tries to patch things up with Richie. That doesn't work because it's only been a day and Richie needs his space (which is always a good sign for a relationship that's lasted all of three weeks). Patrick almost seems to get that. Almost. But because he just lurches from scene to scene without any sort of internal compass he doesn't stop and think about this and instead relies on the other characters to push his actions. One second he's letting Agustin convince him that being roommates again is a good idea, and the next he's running back to work after-hours to engage in a sexual harassment claim with Kevin. Kevin, by the way, is a real piece of work. Cheating on your boyfriend? Check. Abusing your power by making your subordinate come in to work at night so you can have sex with him? Double check! Kevin's really kind of pathetic and I was hoping Patrick wouldn't fall for it, but he does. Even my partner, who's been championing this show from the beginning and arguing about Patrick's merits with me since the second episode, rolled his eyes and wandered out of the room when Patrick and Kevin began making out because the entire thing was so contrived and embarrassing. (And this may be just me, but there doesn't appear to be any visible chemistry here? Is anyone else seeing something I'm not?)
What made me the most sad was the fact that Patrick had made such a big deal about bottoming a few episodes ago and then he ended up doing it for Kevin, who's both unavailable (he makes this clear after sex) and not someone Patrick is emotionally connected to in the way he is to Richie. And this feels like the biggest betrayal, not only to Richie with whom Patrick has not yet broken up, but also to the viewers who found the whole bottoming discussion such a poignant part of the show. To bring it up again in such a manufactured way seems kind of off, honestly. Is Patrick somehow punishing himself by doing this with Kevin? Is he owning the fact that he's doing something he shouldn't? I know I'm supposed to have a reaction, but I don't know what it is!
After all is said and done, Patrick comes home alone to find Richie waiting for him. There's a brief conversation between them, which sets up an opening for season 2, but isn't resolved at all. Patrick then finds Agustin asleep in his bedroom, The Golden Girls paused on his Macbook. And the season ends with a touching message: no matter what happens, your true friends will always be there for you. (And hopefully they'll share their drugs.) (Come on, Agustin!)
Also: Doris and Richie are still the best. That is all.
Image via Looking FB page