Photo by Robert S. Donovan
If you bring turkey…
You're kind of a show off, but no one minds because – turkey.
If you bring potatoes…
Congratulations. Your life must be in order. No one takes on, and/or is allowed to bring the potatoes unless everyone knows they can deliver.
If you bring the paper goods…
There's a 98% chance you are a Costco Gold Card holder.
If you bring rolls…
No one trusts you.
If you bring wine…
You understand what's important in life.
If you bring cheese…
You're lazy, but you play it off like you're busy.
If you bring stuffing with raisins…
You are The Anti Christ.
If you bring pie…
You're cool.
If you bring a can of cranberry sauce…
You don't get laid.
If you bring green bean casserole…
You just wanted to eat French's French Fried Onions in your kitchen alone.
If you bring sweet potatoes…
You're chill.
If you bring nothing…
You're an asshole. Get back in your car and buy a pre-packed spinach dip, you animal.