Hello, and welcome to Ask Ted Wilson, my weekly advice column where readers ask me questions about absolutely anything, and I tell them what to do. If you have a question you would like answered please write to me at iamtedwilson@gmail.com or leave me a voicemail at (617) 379-2576. I hope to hear from you soon!
Dear Ted,
How do I fire someone who is not a bad employee but just totally mediocre? I can't get additional budget for another team member, but if this person leaves, then I could hire someone who would actually kick ass at their job.
Director of Awesome
Dear Director,
Let’s call the mediocre employee Hank Henderson, and the kick-ass prospect Dorothy Henderson (no relation). While Hank may be mediocre, you know exactly what you’re getting. Think of Hank as a can of soup, and Dorothy as a dish at a restaurant you’ve heard good things about but never been to. That can of soup is safe and easy. If you go to that restaurant you could get food poisoning or even choke to death.
If your only concern is the success of the company, ask yourself: If you resigned, could your salary go to someone even more capable than you? Or do you want to keep your job so badly that you’re willing to inhibit the success of the company? If so, why would you want to work at a company that’s not living up to it’s full potential? Aren’t you better than that?
There are solutions to your dilemma you may not have considered. Perhaps Dorothy would be willing to work for free. Or maybe try reframing Hank’s role and your own expectations. He may make a mediocre salesperson but an amazing janitor. It’s all about perspective. I used to have a really boring rabbit. But when I started thinking of him as a hamster, he was the biggest, most unique hamster I’d ever seen. Sadly, he would not mate with regular hamsters no matter how much I tried to make him.
I’ll assume that you’ve tried to nurture and help Hank grow but he is beyond your management skills. So if you’ve decided he simply must go, here are some options to take the onus off you:
1. Hank only needs his job because he desires money. Convert him to Buddhism. It will be a slow process but spiritually fulfilling.
2. Send out a memo announcing anyone late to work will be fired. That night, set up a fake construction site or car accident directly in the path of Hank’s commute.
3. Add duties to Hank’s role that will make his job unbearable. Start with small things like asking him to unfold all the paperclips. Then get creative.
4. Relocate the office and don’t tell Hank where it is. Depending on his level of desperation to earn money, he’ll give up eventually.
5. Start applying for better paying jobs with warmer cultural environments in Hank's name. You might find him something much better!
You’re considering taking away Hank’s livelihood. A blow to the ego of someone so mediocre may be enough to fracture his ego and send him into a downward spiral. It could be the beginning of the end for him. On the other hand, this might be just the break Dorothy needs to turn her life around. You wield a great deal of power and you must choose carefully.
If you do get rid of Hank please let me know. I would love to apply for the position if it becomes available.
Your Friend,
Ted