Not everyone is a football expert and with the Superbowl happening this weekend, more than a few of us are left wondering who to root for. (Personally, I consider Superbowl Sunday to be all about hot guys running around as an opening act for the Katy Perry concert.) Still, as a proud SF resident, I wanted to be sure I knew exactly who I'm supposed to hate in the game this weekend and why I'll be hating them. So I did some extensive research (talking to the fans I know) and I present to you my findings in hopes that we can all hate the Seahawks for very good reasons together.
The 49ers and Seahawks are division rivals.
The 49ers and the Seahawks are from the same geographic region so they play against each other twice a year, once at each team's home stadium. Every time they hit the field together they're essentially vying to see who is the best in the west. They've both been kind of crappy teams for a long time, and they sort of became major contenders around the same time.
Smart thing to say: "I mean sure, I hate the Seahawks, but c'mon — a decade ago we hated the Rams and the Cardinals. As far as I'm concerned, they're just the flavor of the month."
There's a coach feud.
This is where it gets really Jets v. Sharks. Seattle coach Pete Carroll (who looks like Anderson Cooper's hot, jacked, older brother) used to coach for USC. 49ers former coach Jim Harbaugh (who has kind of a perpetual mean mug) used to coach Stanford. BOOM, INSTANT RIVALRY! There have been snarky attacks on both sides. One SFGate article from last year says "Though both would deny any dislike for each other we know there's bad blood between the two." Even now that they have a new coach, the stigma remains — even if it's just in sports fans' heads. As Taylor Swift once said, "I know we got problems/and I don't think we can solve em/ So take a look what you've done/ So baby now we got bad blood."
Smart thing to say: "Ugh, what else would you expect from a coach like Carroll? University of Spoiled Children, am I right?"
Some of the Seattle players are kind of assholes.
Seattle's cornerback Richard Sherman is a really good football player but he's kind of obnoxious about it. After a famous 49er's game where he intercepted a pass and helped his team make a touchdown, he proceeded to give a post game interview that sounded like it was written by the crazy love child of Kanye West and Muhammed Ali. "Don't open your mouth about the best because I'm gonna shut it for you real quick" he crowed into the microphone. After that he continued to scream catchphrase "LOB" which stand for "Legion Of Boom," a nickname given to the Seahawks' defense. Their running back Marshawn Lynch also recently came under fire for grabbing his balls in the direction of the opposing team. That's just gross.
Smart thing to say: "Its crazy to me that Richard Sherman has never been beat on the big stage. I mean the guy is kind of crazy, but so was Yeezy. I respect both."
Seahawks and 49ers have been rivals since the Gold Rush Days.
Back when many a miner flocked to California to seek his fortune, others with an entrepreneurial spirit followed them. Bands of comely prostitutes would approach the shores of San Francisco via large pleasure barges. They would aloft to the shore to "do business" with the miners. At the end of the day's work the miners would fall asleep and the women would in turn rob them blind and sometimes engage in sophomoric pranks such as putting the miners' hands in glasses of water as they slept or stringing the miners' underwear up a flagpole. The ladies would then run back to their boats and set sail with their booty (both literal and figurative). Though these ladies were the scourge of the Gold Coast they remained in business because they were so lovely and skilled — still, miners knew to damn the "Seahawks," as they called them.
Ok, this one I made up, but this would be a really fun rumor to start.
Smart thing to say: "Did you know ... oh, for Christ's sake! The game is over!"
Images courtesy of Flickr user Philip Robertson. Thanks to the football fans who answered my questions, many of whom I will share a beer with win or lose.
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