Boba, a large and chewy black tapioca pearl made from cassava root, has grown beyond its Taiwanese roots to develop some local character and culture. It's still most often found at the bottom of a milk tea glass, but your choices in San Francisco are much more exciting than they used to be when tapioca drinks first hit the Avenues in the '90s.
But what type of boba are you? Read on to discover your archetype:
The Adult
(See photo above) Alcoholic boba cocktails haven’t taken off in this town the way they should yet, but Chino might be able to change that. The Dr. J is a premixed slushie made with rum, orange, vanilla, and condensed milk. If you’re old enough to remember Orange Julius, this is an infinite improvement on that taste sensation. It’s served with a sealed plastic lid and giant straw the way they are at mainstream places like the Taiwanese titan Quickly (which has dozens of Bay Area locations), making for easy stealth movement on the go. This will be even better once Dolores Park is back in full swing.
The Kid
Boba Guys, which has locations in the Mission and Union Square, is upfront about charging 20-30% more than places like Quickly. But that’s because they’re making their own syrups and using premium tea and organic Straus milk instead of that dreaded Coffee Mate powder (which we’ve seen loitering on the back shelves at Tpumps), and it’s worth the price. So as long as you’re splurging, go all the way with the sundae, which layers Frozen Kuhsterd in flavors like black sesame and ube (purple yam) with cubes of the Guys’ own almond jelly and rich condensed milk. The boba are chewy but quite probably the most tender in the city. If you don’t eat the sundae too fast, it’ll turn into a bit of a milkshake by the time you get to the bottom, which you want to happen. Also, it’s hard to find caffeine-free boba drinks but they’ve got horchata here, which is really a clever option.
The Hipster
Forget about coming to Tpumps if it’s after school — a nightclub-style line forms outside after 3 p.m. and lasts until closing, a cult reinforced by the branded T-shirts available for sale. The daily wait may be because there are like eleventy billion choices you are required to make here, including how sweet, whether you want green or black tea iced or hot, and if you’d like honey-soaked boba or the juicy and kind of addictive popping boba, which is more frequently seen at frozen yogurt shops than boba places. Cut through all that (and the line) and check out the new Almond Roca smoothie with honey boba, a coconutty concoction more like an Almond Joy which has caramel syrup at the bottom.
The O.G.
Wonderful Foods Co has been slinging tapioca milk tea in the Sunset for almost 20 years and is still the spot for unusual flavors like avocado, taro, and oatmeal. Pudding milk tea tapioca is a must-try for sugar fiends, since you need to slurp pudding (in this case an almost flan-like creation) through a straw at least once in your life. Pair your drink with some bulk gummy candy, salted plums, or if you’re really adventurous, a sulphurous preserved “century” egg. Note that this is across the street from Tpumps if the line seems too crazy there.
The Sophisticate
Fifty/Fifty is a sweet little cafe so named for serving half coffee and half tea. While it opens at 7 a.m., boba (here also called tapioca) is available to be added to tea lattes and green tea/fruit puree blends after noon, so do keep an eye on the time. The four words you need to know here are salted caramel tea latte. These drinks all wallop you over the head with sugar, but this one has a dash of savory sophistication. Try it with almond milk.
Photos by Tamara Palmer