A good portion of my friends spent New Year’s Day cozily hungover and binge watching Friends,which recently made its Netflix debut. To be fair we all needed some relief after the pre Christmas Black Mirror binge (that poor pig!) but rewatching Friends has given me some new perspective. Living in SF means many of us can identify with the whole “your job’s a joke you’re broke” bit, but what would it be like if the show took place in this city rather than New York?
All six friends would live in the same apartment
There’d be two bedrooms, one converted living room, and three additional housemates that weren’t really Friends, per se, and were more like Acquaintances.
Phoebe would rule the Haight St. buskers
Bonus: there would be several actual smelly cats at each performance. She’d write a follow up song entitled “Dog with a Leash Made Out of Rope.” This episode would feature special guest Margaret Cho.
Chandler and Joey could finally resolve their sexual tension
They’d pivot into a lovely apartment in the Castro and wear their matching man bracelets without shame. Could they be more adorable?
Ross’s ex wife would still be a lesbian
But he’d be less fucking obtuse about it.
Monica would work in a food truck
This episode would be called “The One With the Bacon Wrapped Kimchi.”
They’d still creep on Ugly Naked Guy across the air shaft
But either a) his name would be changed to Ugly Naked Guy and His Friend With The Dog Mask and The Whip or b) someone would get in trouble for "slut shaming" him.
The coffee shop would be called Golden Gate Perk
And would likely have a Laundromat in the back where you could also buy weed.
Rachel would get more shit for ignoring her baby the whole last season
She would be encouraged to buy a fashionable sling or invest in an Urban Sitter or out of work state college grad to watch the kid for her.
In lieu of a public fountain the gang would have to put their living room set somewhere else
Maybe cram it into a parklet *clap clap clap*
Joey would still be a struggling actor
After years of trying out indie improv groups or Fisherman’s Wharf dinner theater he’d eventually get fed up and move to LA, as so many of our Friends before us have.
It wouldn’t be a big deal that Chandler saw Rachel’s boobs
He’d already seen them on Halloween, and during the Pride Parade, Bay to Breakers, and Burning Man Decompression.
The Prom Video would be on YouTube
Ross’s secret would be accidentally revealed when Monica unknowingly shared it on Throwback Thursday.