Tired of swiping through your Instagram feed and seeing selfie after selfie of happy friends frolicking in winter wonderlands? FOMO no mo’! We’ve put together a list of the best sledding spots right here in San Francisco. So blow the dust off that old sled, strap it on your scooter, and hit the slopes!

What’s that you say? How the biff am I supposed to go sledding sans snow? We-he-hell, Mr. Doubty Pants, turns out sleds slide pretty damn well on pavement. Don’t believe me? Good, ’cause I actually faked a couple of these. But if you’re feeling bold this holiday season, I assure you that there are enough steep grades around the city to keep you entertained at least until the pot-nog wears off. Or, you know, you could just give up and go to Tahoe.

Beginner

If you’re new to this whole urban-sledding thing, the Dolores Park bunny slopes are a good place to start. Nice soft ground and very few trees to watch out for.

If your love for sledding is matched by your disdain for pants, the north end of Baker Beach is your spot. Nudists tend to congregate around the steep sandy slopes, so be prepared for a naked audience.

Intermediate

Tucked between Winfield Street and Prospect Avenue, the twin slides of Esmeralda Avenue are just technical enough to keep things interesting. Some sleds won’t fit, though, so you might have to get creative.

The steep sandy cliffs on the southwest corner of the city put the “fun” in Fort Funston. The whole area is rife with bitchin’ slopes, and thanks to the wonder of erosion, they’re constantly changing.

Advanced

This is where we separate the boys and girls from the gender-neutral badasses. Decades of crumbling gravel have accumulated to create a perfectly gnarly sledding run down to SF’s favorite ruins.

The walkways between Broadway and Vallejo Streets on the west side of Pacific Heights are no-joke steep. A thin layer of moss growing everywhere makes for a surprisingly fast run from top to bottom.

Expert

Noe Valley ain’t just for babies anymore. This run is not only one of the steepest in San Francisco (31.5% grade); it’s also one of the longest.

Next time you hear someone call Lombard Street the crookedest street in America, whip out that big Wikibrain of yours and lay some knowledge on them – Vermont Street is the real King Crooked.

Hazardous

Everyone who’s stood on top of a mountain with a pair of skis or a snowboard has seen the signs marking the boundaries of the ski patrol and warning about potential avalanches. Snow can get angry, sure, but a steep pile of rocks is a hell of a lot harder to land on.

So you fancy yourself hardcore, do you? Well this multitiered set of stairs in Diamond Heights may change your mind. Really, though, totally serious face – you should never ride a wooden toboggan down a flight of stairs.

Disclaimer: Common sense ought to have told you by now that this is not something an average person should do just for kicks. Believe it or not, these are professionals photographed in controlled environments. Do not try this at home. Actually, go ahead and try it at home because you probably won’t hurt yourself in your studio apartment. But don’t try it anywhere else. Seriously.