The first bar I ever went to when I turned {{Age}} was a dive bar in {{City}}... and it was NOTHING like this. Well, I'm being a bit dramatic. {{Name of dive bar}} looks and smells like a {{Type of establishment}}, but it doesn't feel like a {{Type of establishment}}. I went this past Saturday night and it was filled with {{Age #2}} year old "{{Group of people (plural)}}" rolling their eyes at me for wearing {{Type of footwear}} and a {{Adjective}} {{Article of clothing}}. In contrast, my first dive bar in {{City}} was filled with {{Group of people #2 (plural)}} and {{Profession (plural)}} that didn't give a fuck about what I did or how I dressed. You don't get that "IDGAF" attitude at {{Name of dive bar}}. You get that "I'm trying really hard to look like I'm {{State of mind}} and that I DIDN'T try really hard." That being said, I really don't care about what other {{Plural noun}} think. I just wanted to go on a little rant about {{Group of people (plural)}}. {{Name of dive bar}} was grimy, {{Negative adjective #1}}, {{Negative adjective #2}}... but the back room was great. Whoever was controlling the music was playing Prince, {{Band or artist #1}}, {{Band or artist #2}}... you name it! Pretty sure my friends and I were the only ones who knew the lyrics to every song... and of course we started a dance party. Some people gave us {{Plural noun #2}}, and we got some dirty looks. You can't win 'em all!

I didn't think it was that hard to make a cup of {{Adjective #1}} coffee. I was wrong. I {{Verb}} nearby and get coffee every morning. Nothing fancy, just plain {{Adjective #1}} coffee. There seems to be a rotating mix of {{Adjective #2}}-looking people and {{Nationality (plural)}} who appear to be the owners. The {{Adjective #2}}-looking people actually make decent coffee, but the {{Nationality (plural)}}, who also speak very poor {{Language}}, make {{Adjective #3 (CAPS)}} coffee and for ${{Number #1}} you have got to be kidding me. The best is when I ask for {{Adjective #1}} coffee and they leave like {{Number #2}} inches at the top to add {{Liquid}}. When I ask them to fill it up they give me a dirty look and fill it up with an inch to spare. ALSO, Health Inspectors... My co-worker ordered a {{Food}}, the worker went from handling my {{Something gross}} to grabbing a {{Food}} with her {{Body part}} and potentially spreading germs everywhere. I am not a germaphobe, but put on a {{Article of clothing}}.

Terrible service!!! I decided to take a gamble on this club with a ${{Number}} cover... that's right a ${{Number}} cover to see a {{Profession}} that was spinning tonight. Never heard of him but he was supposed to be {{Adjective #1}}. Despite the ridiculous charge I decided to pay because all my friends were going. Boy what a mistake that was... I {{Adverb}} {{Verb (past tense)}} in the back for a couple of songs and then decided to go outside and smoke a {{Singular noun #1}} with my friends. As we were going inside I flicked my {{Singular noun #1}} apparently too close to the door and the bouncer took offense and decided that I was no longer permitted inside. Obviously, I was not happy with that and put up a huge fit. Because I am a rather {{Adjective #2}} {{Man or woman}} at {{Height}} tall I was SWARMED with bouncers that threatened to beat me if I decided to make another move. I asked all the bouncers why I was being kicked out and none of them could give me a real answer... besides the fact that I brought an attractive {{Singular noun #2}} that was already inside and they decided that I was threatening to all of them. I will never go back to this club because of the terrible service, awful {{Plural noun}}, and very {{Negative adjective}} crowd that was clearly too fucked up to make a good scene. DO NOT COME TO THIS CLUB UNLESS YOU ENJOY BEING MISTREATED. TERRIBLE SERVICE, TERRIBLE {{Plural noun (in caps)}}, TERRIBLE TIME!!!

This place is NOT WORTH your time or money you could otherwise be spending on {{Plural noun #1}}. By that I mean, if you're going to charge over ${{Number}} for entrees then they should at least be palatable. We came here with a group of {{Plural noun #2}} last night. Our server was {{Adjective #1}} and a little {{Adjective #2}}, but that's okay, it seemed fitting for the place. I ordered the {{Food #1}} risotto but also shared the {{Food #2}} carpaccio with friends. Everything ranged from mediocre to downright terrible. I'm gonna go out on a limb and say that this was the worst food I've eaten at a sit-down restaurant since I moved here in {{Year}}. It was THAT bad. The risotto tasted like overcooked {{Food #1}} in {{Liquid #1}}. It reminded me of {{Food #3}}. Not terribly bad, but more like slop served in prison. The {{Food #4}} cream sauce or whatever it was was {{Adjective #3}} and unappetizing and you could hardly taste the {{Liquid #2}}. One taste and I immediately regretted putting it in my {{Body part}}. Our three other friends, who I swear are not {{Type of people (plural)}}, all had similar experiences of disbelief at how poor the food was. The service didn't save the day either. Imagine getting a {{Service}} at a beauty college then translate that to food. That's how I felt.

Whether it's a quick {{Number #1}} minutes of cardio or a full-on {{Number #2}} hour workout, this place isn't worth the {{Liquid}}-smelling carpet inside of it. The "{{Plural noun}}" are archaic. A brother can't get a treadmill because every {{Neighborhood}}-girl is busy WALKING off the {{Food}} she didn't know had {{Number #3}} calories in it. The locker room (if you can call it that) has ONE {{Singular noun #1}} in it, is poorly maintained, and has a {{Singular noun #2}} that rivals one from a prison. If I didn't live down the street and wasn't grandfathered into a VERY low monthly rate, I'd build my own gym out of an abandoned {{Appliance}} box, hire some {{Adjective}} {{Type of person}} off the street to work the front desk, and rope people into a {{Number #4}} year contract and would get better results than this {{Street name}} shitbox.

I really want to like this place, and I don't doubt the other 5-star reviews are entirely warranted. But, if you have very {{Adjective #1}} hair like mine, I would highly recommend going elsewhere. I came in with a decent, but {{Adjective #2}} haircut, and walked out looking like a junkyard {{Animal}} who'd just finished gnawing on an abandoned {{Object}}. Again, I know this is a reputable salon with a loyal following of {{Group of people (plural)}}, and the atmosphere of the salon itself is {{Adjective #3}} and {{Adjective #4}}. But, if you have {{Adjective #1}} hair and you're after a look that says "I just stepped out of a pile of {{Plural noun}} alongside the highway after sleeping there on a rainy night", then make an appointment here! Otherwise, don't let them NEAR your {{body part}}.