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Five Post-Holiday Exercises to Do at Mom’s House

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It’s the day after Thanksgiving. You’re lying on the floor, recovering from a tryptophan hangover, and your gut has sprung free from your waistband. You look around you, and the party debris looks familiar. Then the details come rushing back to you: the turkey, your family, the glasses of wine you pounded, the food – God, the food! You’re at your mom’s house! It’s only a matter of time before she drags you out to do some early holiday shopping, and then it’s a lunch of leftovers likely served on the same collectible Hercules platefrom second grade. You need to get your rear in gear! Here are some exercises to do if you’re stuck at your mom’s house this holiday week.

1. Bend and Hug

Either you had a mid-20s growth spurt fueled by overindulgence in $3 beers, or your mom has shrunk! It happens to old people. This exercise is a bend and hug. Lean forward at the waist, extend your arms, and then encircle them around your mom. Repeat several times, especially if she either paid for college or has resisted the urge to turn your bedroom into a scrapbook center.

2. Trash Lift

This is one for your biceps. Go to the two nearest trash cans and lift out the bags, hefting one in each hand. Bend your arms to bring them to shoulder level, feel the tension, then release. Continue doing this as you add a light walk. Keep lifting as you move toward the curb to throw away the bags. Remember, you’re doing this for exercise and NOT because your mom asked you to do it yesterday.

3. Picture Twist

This core workout should be done close to any shelf where your mom keeps  pictures of you as an adolescent. Go to the shelf that has the most embarrassing one (e.g., any picture of you in headgear). Extend your arm to the back of the picture, and with one fluid, clockwise turn, push the photo face down, thus obscuring it from view. Add a walk to this exercise if the pictures are spread out over the house. Your core will thank you, even if your mom, who insists, ”You were always a late bloomer,” won’t.

All you need is a relative who asks you, “When are you gonna get a job, boyfriend, baby, new place, freaking life already, you filthy freeloader?” Engage your shoulder muscles in an upright motion and hold for three seconds before releasing.

4. Hide and Stash

For this section, you will need a piece of exercise equipment called a laptop. Sometimes after much quality family time, you need some, er, adult alone time. Sequester yourself in your childhood bedroom, open your laptop, and begin to peruse the Internet. At the faintest sound of your mom coming to the door, extend your arms and bend at the elbow to swiftly shut the laptop. Then twist at your waist to shove it under the bed or desk or cat or whatever is nearest. Repeat as many times as your paranoia allows.

5. Deflection Shoulder Lift

This exercise can be done even during the holiday festivities and is a great workout for your upper shoulders. All you need is a relative who asks you, “When are you gonna get a job, boyfriend, baby, new place, freaking life already, you filthy freeloader?” Engage your shoulder muscles in an upright motion and hold for three seconds before releasing. The low-impact version of this involves rotating your pupils in a clockwise direction.

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