Many start-ups and local businesses are tearing down their cubicle walls and opting for open-office plans. Some say it’s a way to encourage office camaraderie, while others say it’s a distraction; and then there are those weirdos making desks look like letters in a Sesame Street segment. If you find yourself in an open-office squished somewhere between the ping-pong table and the “vision board,” here are some survival tips.
General Cleanliness
Do:
Keep your desk clutter to a minimum. Remove debris like fruit pits, candy wrappers, or sodden tea bags immediately. We repeat: do not teabag your desk.
Don’t:
Arrange personal mementos all over your shared desk, even if you think everyone would benefit from the framed picture of your pit bull. If you do want to bring in something extra, make sure it benefits everyone, such as a gumball machine or a communal coin jar containing a happy-hour fund.
Oh God, Please Don’t:
Bring all your Star Wars action figures to work and artfully arrange them in a re-creation of epic sci-fi battles. Unless your coworkers consent – in which case, strike back all you want!
Health and Wellness
Do:
Work from home when you’re feeling sick. If you can’t take time off, be sure to cover your mouth when you sneeze or cough, and make sure to wash your hands frequently.
Don’t:
Complain about being sick to everyone in your proximity. Seriously. If you are hacking and coughing and obviously ill, offer up a quick explanation of “I’m under the weather today.”
Oh God, Please Don’t:
Subtly encourage your coworkers to take their germs elsewhere by swapping out “May Satan devour your soul” for “Bless you.”
Noise Pollution
Do:
Use headphones if you feel like you need music in order to focus on work.
Don’t:
Wear headphones as a neck accessory.
Oh God, Please Don’t:
Blast the latest Taylor Swift song and then respond to anyone who complains by bursting into tears and launching into a tirade about how they just don’t understand “her journey.” And seriously, if you dated John Mayer when you were just out of high school, you’d be kind of messed up too. He did not treat her like a wonderland, you guys.
Office Chatter
Do:
Maintain a friendly rapport with your desk mates. Try to avoid talking about overly personal or fraught subjects, e.g., “Megan C., how is your kickball team going?”
Don’t:
Be loud or obnoxious. If you and a coworker love to gossip about the comparative merits of Harrison Ford as Indiana Jones or Han Solo, take that conversation away from the shared space. Similarly, don’t whisper. It makes your desk mates feel like they are in an episode of Are You Afraid of the Dark?
Oh God, Please Don’t:
Wait until all your coworkers are engaged in projects and then start doing a dramatic reading of your horse novella, Fifty Shades of Neigh.
Quiet Time
Do:
Excuse yourself to a private workspace if you really need to concentrate.
Don’t:
Take yourself to a place so far away that your coworkers can’t access you if they need you urgently. You can cut out unnecessary noise by changing your email status from “online” to “busy,” but make sure you’re accessible to your team.
Oh God, Please Don’t:
Build a fort over your portion of the desk with boxes and pelt fellow workers with wads of paper any time they “disturb the fortress of solitude.”
