This may be the single most important editorial of my brief but infamous journalistic career. I write to you today, citizens of San Francisco to make a case for filling a niche that our fair city is sorely lacking.
I am speaking, of course, of cat bars.
Recently Eater SF posted a fake restaurant proposal they received in their tip line by way of the same serial prankster behind the Reclaimed Wood and Subway Tiles hoax. This jokester/innovator on par with Eli Whitney claimed to be starting a “combination cat café and Biergarten” called Puss'n'Boots in San Francisco. His press release went on to explain the excellent features that would be at this bar, including 30 local beers on tap, several rooms filled with cats and kittens, and a room with hammocks “for those in need of a cat nap.” As a frequent accidental bar sleeper, I would be happy if a bar just had the last one on the list, but everything else sounds fantastic too.
And it got me thinking, readers, why the hell don’t we have a cat bar?
First of all, everyone's been opening cat cafes. Oakland's Cat Town Cafe is about to open at the end of this month, San Francisco's KitTea is (hopefully) opening this year, but these two spots are cafes, not bars. I'm an adult and I think it is my right as an American citizen to drink a brew and snuggle a kitty. That's what our founding fathers died for.
Secondly, San Francisco loses their shit for cats. Remember that day when everyone and their mom went to Dolores Park just to pet strangers' cats? This day went down in Instagram history! SF is cat crazy!
Studies have shown that spending time with cats ups your serotonin levels, so you feel less stressed and more relaxed. You know what can also do that? Beer. Combine these two in one place and you won’t think about the fact that you pay $600 a month to live in a closet or that you are statistically likely to step in poo on your walk home.
You can't swing a stick in this town without hitting a bar with a dog in it. (And really be careful swinging things like that – there are dogs here.) Why can't we have bar cats? In a city so forward thinking in the field of social acceptance it seems grossly exclusionary not to bring cats into the mix. The meow mix that is. See this is the kind of pun I'm reduced to now. Someone get me a tallboy and a tabby STAT!
And lastly, one of the reasons I’m most proud to live in this city is that it is home to a creative and adventurous drinking community. Where else, I ask you, could you get Girl Scout cookie beer? Or ice cream that’s whiskey flavored? And don’t get me started on the bar themes. It’s like someone said, “You know what’s fun? Drinking! You know what else is fun? Carnivals!” and boom! Straw was born. For God’s sake there’s a bar with a freaking waterbed and porn viewing stations and we can’t have a cat bar?
And so to conclude, San Francisco, it is time for you to raise the bar and also raise some cats to come and live there.
Photo courtesy of Flickr user, Celynek