I’ll admit, I have PSLSD – Pumpkin Spice Latte Stress Disorder. The fact that the frothy sweet drink came out in August just reminds me that holiday stress is right around the corner.
Don’t get me wrong, I love PSL and I love the holidays, but geez, can’t we learn to wait!? The Starbucks employees who released PSL a month early (via an innovative Twitter campaign that I find depressing because a drink has more followers than I do) are likely the same kids who were constantly shouting “ARE WE THERE YET!?” from the backseat.
PSL starting early is fall’s way of scootching over to us, grabbing what was left of our summer, and gobbling it whole before offering us a meager, “You were done, right?”
I wasn’t done Starbucks, not when everyone knows SF summer starts in September! Let me have another month of sunning myself (in the two hours of hot sun we get daily) before forcing me into chunky sweaters again.
The sun is just now coming out! It’s going to be 70 degrees this week!
There are still festivals to go to, ice cream to eat, beer to drink outside with abandon!
We can finally go to the beach without a parka! Everyone and their mother can stop flinging that hack Mark Twain “coldest winter" quote around like it’s confetti at Pride!
And if this latte means we have to start getting ready for fall that means I have to get ready for Halloween. The stress of picking a costume (something funny and topical that makes my boobs look good without looking like I’m trying too hard to make my boobs look good) is something I could have put out of my mind for another few weeks, at least.
And then after Halloween is Thanksgiving! I just got my pants to fit after last year’s holiday binge and now it’s time to eat again!? And literally the day after Thanksgiving, it’s freaking Christmas or freaking Hannukah or freaking Kwanza or freaking Odin’s winter solstice – at least in retail land. Whatever you celebrate in December, it’s stressful.
Pumkin Spice, if you could only wait your turn we needn’t t start the stress parade so soon!
In short, the early release of seasonal flavors really worries me (and PSL is not alone. Whole Foods and It's It are guilty of premature pumpkining as well). Will this trend continue into other areas of our lives? Will we be buying bikinis in December? Do I need to start marinating my turkey now? Will we rebrand 4th of July as “Only 173 shopping days before Christmas?”
Pumpkin flavoring, I love you but until our “summer”is over I just like you as a friend. A kind of pushy friend .
Photos courtesy of Flickr user I Believe I Can Fry